2012 –Part 2

Before reading the satire (below), I had already seen in the news recently that only two times did Mayan calendars predicted a change of cosmic proportions. None of the other calendar and prophecies from ancient Mayan times predicted that anything special would happen in 2012–except calendars would start over.–KAS

The Real 2012 Prophecy: Mayans, Nostradamus, and Planet X, Oh My!1
by Rich Deem



The year 2012 is supposed to result in a slew of natural disasters culminating in the end of the world (as we know it, or think we know it, as the case may be). We know this prediction is true because a bunch of savage, child sacrificing, jungle-dwelling Mayans2 prophesied it hundreds of years ago through their amazingly accurate calendar. Never mind that the date for Armageddon was originally set as December 24, 2011. We now know that these events will occur at exactly 11:11 GMT on December 21 2012, even though some Mayan predictions go all the way to 4772 A.D.3 Those Mayans really knew everything about astronomy, since their calendar consisted of 260-day periods, which we now know represents the true length of the solar year! According to the Mayan calendar, the “Great Cycle” equates with 5,125.36 years, which began on August 11, 3114 B.C. and ends in 2012. Unfortunately for the Maya (but maybe fortunately for us), they ended before their calendar.
Other prophesiers

The Maya were not the only people to predict the end of the world. Incan and Egyptian calendars, as well as with the prophecies of Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce (famous for predicting from 1958-1998 that a tilting of the Earth’s axis would result in “The earth will be broken up in the western portion of America. The greater portion of Japan must go into the sea.”), and the I Ching, Hopi Indians, along with a slew of wackos have indicated that the apocalypse will occur in December 2012. Nostradamus predicted a great comet, Nibiru, would impact the Mediterranean on December 21, 2012 (or was it the year 1999? – close enough!).
Natural disasters

Not content with just one disaster at a time, 2012 will unleash the ultimate disaster movie – earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, tsunamis, floods, and droughts (at the same time and place!). These events are thought to be caused by a polar shift, enormous asteroids, violent solar activity (never mind that the Sun is now at its most quiet phase in recorded history), the emergence of Planet X or Nibiru, and the planetary alignment of Venus. Never mind that the next Venetian alignment is actually, on June 5-6, 2012, and that the alignment will produce a gravitational interaction on the order of your neighbor’s Toaster Strudel. This is real science, man! The other probable causes of these disasters relate to the earth’s precession, a 26,000 year cycle that just happens to coincide with the 12/21/2012 date (how it coincides we aren’t sure, but we want to throw it in so that nothing is left out). In addition, our Solar System crosses in and out of the galactic plane every 33 million years. Coincidentally, the Sun will be at the exact center of the galactic plane on December 21, 2012 (or maybe it already happened 3 million years ago – but who’s counting). At the same time, there will be a massive pole shift caused by the galactic alignment between the center of the galaxy and the Sun that will cause massive earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis. What fun!
Government conspiracy

The really bad thing about 2012 is that the government knows everything about what is going to happen and they are keeping it from you. When Barack Obama talked about change, he wasn’t kidding! In fact, they have set up a secret organization, including a secret website, the Institute for Human Continuity, to promote the continued survival of the human species after December 21, 2012. Among other things, the Institute is conducting a lottery to determine which humans will be selected to inhabit the subterranean cities in their “Operation Safe Haven.” Surprisingly, the Institute has been operating since 1978, when they held their first Summit in in Timaru, New Zealand. You best get aboard while you can. Don’t wait until 2012!
The real 2012 prophecy

In case you didn’t get it, this page is satire. The “government conspiracy” websites are really a product of Sony Pictures to promote their movie. Some of my readers made me put in this disclaimer, since they didn’t think that some of you could figure this out on your own. They just wanted to ruin all my fun!

Rich Deem

Since everybody else is making 2012 predictions, I thought I would throw mine into the mix. And here it is… The 2012 disasters are such good violence and mayhem that they would make the ultimate disaster movie. Hey, somebody needs to make a lot of money by taking from the ignorant interested people. Authors will write books and studios will make movies and the con artists will make lots of money – just like the good old days of Y2K.
Conclusion Top of page

Yes, there will be earthquakes, volcanoes, floods and droughts in 2012, just as there are in every year. My 2012 prediction is that scammers will make a lot of money off gullible astute people. Now, if I could only figure out how to use that Parmesan Chicken with Pasta Rags recipe from my GE newsletter in my new GE Dishwasher.

For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. (2 Timothy 4:3-4)


In case you didn’t get it, yes, this page is satire. No, we don’t believe in any of the 2012 prophecies.
For people who don’t believe the Maya were “savage, child sacrificing,” please click the links below to read the scientific citations supporting this claim:
Vera Etons. Latin American Antiquity 17: 493-510.
Cecilia Medina Martín and Mirna Sánchez Vargas. 2007. Posthumous Body Treatments and Ritual Meaning in the Classic Period Northern Petén: A Taphonomic Approach. Springer, New York.
Amador Minjares. 2003. Human Skeletal Remains of the Ancient Maya in the Caves of Dos Pilas, Guatemala. Thesis, University of Notre Dame.
Sacred Cenote, Wikipedia.
Chichén Itzá Sacrifice at the Ball Game About.com.
Ballcourt beheading carved in stone
Maya Human Sacrifice, Belize, National Geographic.
Mark Van Stone. It’s Not the End of the World: What the Ancient Maya Tell Us About 2012 Part II—A look at the Creation

About eslkevin

I am a peace educator who has taken time to teach and work in countries such as the USA, Germany, Japan, Nicaragua, Mexico, the UAE, Kuwait, Oman over the past 4 decades.
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5 Responses to 2012 –Part 2

  1. eslkevin says:

    Will the World End in 2012?

    By Richard Schiffman

    This articles reviews the prophecies about 2012.



    Happy New Years! by Squidoo.com

    If you are on any of the same email lists as I am, you may have been getting some messages lately about the impending end of the world. The evidence cited for this upcoming apocalypse ranges from approaching asteroids and rare planetary convergences to the prophecies of Nostradamus and mystical codes hidden in the Hebrew Bible.

    One friend emailed me an article that claimed that a new technology for inserting computer chips into the human body, ostensibly for medical purposes, was actually “the Mark of the Beast,” foretold in the Book of Revelations, a sign that “the end is nigh.” Christian conspiracy theorists are convinced that these implantable microchips are the forerunner of the “New World Order” and coming world government, which will track and control its citizens electronically.

    My New Age friends, on the other hand, send me channelled prognostications about the upcoming “shift in consciousness,” as well as word of Native American prophecies hinting at rough times, if not outright doom, ahead. The best-known of these derives from the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar, which, according to some calculations, is slated to end on Dec. 21, 2012. Many believe that the end of the Mayan calendar will be marked by a catastrophic event such as the sudden shift of the Earth’s magnetic poles, or the solar maximum, a period of intense sunspot activity that will bombard Earth with dangerous radiation and wreak havoc on our electrical grid. Others accentuate the positive and put their faith in a glorious new era of spirituality and peace, which they claim will arise Pheonix-like out of the ashes of the corrupt age that is currently coming to a close.

    The ancient Mayans would likely have been surprised by these New Age interpretations. The end of one calendrical phase, such as that approaching in late 2012, while regarded as significant and the cause for celebration by the Maya, was not freighted with the millennialist implications that New Agers ascribe to it,according to most Mayanist scholars. The world won’t end, in other words, but it will be one hell of a time for a party!

    As a spiritual writer and host of small meditation and discussion groups, I am often asked what I think about the glut of predictions about the impending spiritual transformation of the planet. My answer is that I scarcely think about them at all, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t take seriously the unique plight of the planet at this juncture in human history.

    Clearly we have reached a critical turning point: either we evolve as a species (renounce our age-old prejudices, repudiate war as a tool of public policy, learn to share equitably in the world’s resources, treat the Earth with tender loving care and respect), or we die out as the dinosaurs did before us. The truly mind-boggling advances in technology that have allowed humans to impose their will upon the natural world (and increasingly on one another) now pose a threat to our collective survival, if we don’t learn to use them with a lot more wisdom and restraint than humanity has exercised in the past.

    So I understand why so many in our society are apocalypse-minded nowadays. A bit of millennialist anxiety seems frankly realistic and not at all paranoid given the real threats of environmental holocaust, global war, and economic meltdown that loom over civilization like swords of Damocles, only I am not convinced that the Mayans, or anyone else, for that matter, possessed a crystal ball to gaze into our collective future.

    Over 70 years ago, the renowned “sleeping prophet,” Edgar Cayce, predicted that there would be drastic physical alterations of the planet before the end of the 20th century: “The earth will be broken up in the western portion of America. The greater portion of Japan must go into the sea.” Granted, Japan did have a run-in with the sea earlier this year, but the last time I checked, California was still attached to the North American mainland.

    Believers cite anecdotal evidence to support the efficacy of some of Cayce’s remedies. But as with so many other modern-day prophets (Gordon Scallion, Major Ed Dames, and Benny Hinn come to mind), a lot of what he said about the future has not panned out.

    I remember showing up at Chaco Canyon, the ceremonial center of the Pre-Columbian Anasazi people in western New Mexico, inadvertently on the day of the Harmonic Convergence, an astrological conjunction in August 1987 touted by New Age author Jose Argüelles. Hundreds had gathered at this sacred site to soak in the vibes on the day that supposedly marked the shift in the Earth’s energy from warlike to peaceful. That was before 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Rwandan genocide…

    So, you’ll excuse me for being skeptical of the latest crop of predictions. Not only are such prognostications often wrong, but they help to foster a paralyzing fatalism and a form of magical thinking that imagines that doom or salvation are somehow endowed by fate rather than earned by us here and now by the actions we take in the world.

    One of the reasons that the future is so hard to predict may be that Joker in the pack of destiny called “human freedom.” Physical events are relatively easy to forecast. Apples always fall down, not up, and water invariably freezes when temperatures go below 32 degrees Fahrenheit. But the human mind and spirit are far more unpredictable and creative. We don’t just respond in a knee-jerk fashion to stimuli in the world around us; we make choices. And these choices in turn help to remold the external world in a dynamic feedback loop of unraveling possibility. This is our great strength, and also our peril as a species, for human freedom always comes with risk: that it may be abused, that things can go disastrously wrong.

    Freedom also entails living with a degree of uncertainty in our lives. None of us is handed in advance a blueprint for how everything is going to turn out. And that is a good thing; it counters our natural tendency toward complacency and keeps us spiritually striving and on our toes.

    New Agers and Christian believers in the end time share the same fundamental conceit — namely that their insider’s knowledge of the “coming changes” means that they are members of the elect who will ascend or be raptured, rescued by UFOs, transformed in consciousness, or what have you, while the rest of benighted humanity gets wiped out. This belief is cruel, not to mention insufferably arrogant. Even worse, it prevents its adherents from putting in the hard work to face their own personal shadows of violence, fear, greed, and despair and actually transform their minds and hearts, which in the end is the only way that the world will be remade — one struggling human person at a time.

    There are indeed signs that this is beginning to happen. To my mind, the Occupy Wall Street movement marks a turning point in which millions are awakening to the inequities and deception that underly business as usual in our world. Maybe this does mark the beginning of the end of the world — that is to say, the end of the greedy, corrupt, and predatory world that we presently inhabit.

    One can only hope that this is the case! If this newly awakened enthusiasm to change our public life gets matched by a courageous willingness on all of our parts to examine and transform ourselves, then the prospects for 2012 — and beyond — may be brighter than we think.

    Submitters Bio:

    Writer, poet, journalist.

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